Surviving an Affair – 5 Essential Steps to Recovering From an Affair

by Rose Corteau

Once an affair is discovered, your whole world is suddenly turned upside down. You have to face reality and deal with the unpleasant situation you are in. What do you do now? How do you survive infidelity in your marriage? How do you recover from an affair?

Instead of allowing yourself to become a victim in this situation, empower yourself with the knowledge you need in order to get your marriage and life back on track

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5 Essential Steps to Recovering from an Affair

1.  Take Time to Heal

The old cliché, Time Heals All Wounds, is especially true in the case of surviving infidelity. The recovery from an affair will be a process and will take time.

Get Support - Reach out to family and friends and/or a counselor for support. Don’t feel embarrassment, you need all the support you can get. Don’t suffer in silence.

Allow yourself the time to heal.

2.  Talk about the affair

If you have cheated on your spouse you are probably filled with guilt and shame and the last thing you want to do is discuss the affair with your spouse.

If your spouse has cheated on you, you may want to talk endlessly about the affair and no matter how much you talk about this, it will never be enough. You will have endless questions and concerns.

So how do you discuss the affair? You and your partner will have to learn to be flexible and learn to compromise. What does this mean? For one thing, do not rehash the topic over and over again. Try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes.

If you cheated on your husband or wife, understand that your partner needs to talk about it – answer questions gently, leave out any x-rated details. Be patient with your partner. Give your partner reassurance that you are committed to this marriage.

If your husband or wife cheated on you, try to understand that this subject is extremely uncomfortable for him or her to talk about. Try not to ask questions endlessly. No matter how many questions you ask, you may not feel completely satisfied with the answers. This is because you are still hurt and insecure. Sometimes you will need to just remain silent and give your partner a break.

Over time the two of you should be able to discuss things more coherently. You may even discover that it is no longer necessary to talk about the affair. Your conversations may be more about what is missing in your relationship and how to getting what you want and need from each other. This is what you want to achieve eventually.

3.  Share Feelings without Blame

Avoid the blame and shame game. Don’t say things like “you made me do it” or “this is all your fault”. Instead just tell your partner how you feel – you own your feelings.

Start with “I feel sad, angry, hurt, insecure etc” instead of “you make me feel sad, hurt, angry, etc”. Although this is subtle, it allows your partner to hear how you feel without forcing guilt upon them. This will make them more receptive to what you are telling them.

Being able to share your feelings with your partner and allowing your partner to share his or her feelings with you is a very important part of healing your relationship.

This means that you need to be calm. If you share your feelings while you are very angry or hurt, your partner will most likely retreat and get defensive. This will not help either one of you.

When you are calm – you can begin to open up to your partner gently and explain how you feel, then allow your partner to feel safe telling you how he or she feels as well.

4.  Choose To Trust

Learn to trust your partner, believe what your partner is telling you. If you have any reason to doubt your partner, or if you become suspicious that the affair is not over, bring your concerns to the table. Tell your partner what you disbelieve and ask for an explanation.

Open and honest communication builds trust. Do not hide behind your insecurities; discuss them openly with your partner.

5.  Have Hope for the Future

Don’t lose hope. Believe that the two of you will find a way to get through this mess and your relationship can come out stronger than ever.

Invite your partner back into your life. Begin to share life again. Start with the little things like cooking a meal together or going for a walk. Get to know each other all over again. Find activities you both enjoy and do them.

Most importantly, focus on the future instead of dwelling on the past. This is not easy, and does take some practice.  By focusing on recovery instead of pain, you allow yourselves to move in the direction of a healthy and happy marriage.

Surviving an affair is no small feat, but recovering from an affair and moving forward in your lives can be one of the most rewarding things your marriage can go through

DON'T LEAVE THE AFFAIR TO CHANCE. CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO RECOVER FROM AN AFFAIR